Life

 I have you ever had that particular moment where you see someone who is doing much better than you in sense of career, rich, famous, easy breezy in life and you would think 

" How wonderful is he/her life must been ".

I have to admit that i do have those days. I have 3 friends who are in airline business and 2 of them are Stewardess and and one is a Pilot. Watching their life through the picture they posted on Instagram, and Facebook make me sick to my stomach sometimes. Yes! I know it a shameful act to be jealous of other peoples success. Hey what can i say human has that kind of thought and feelings sometimes. Dont ever deny it. No matter how many times or how hard you try to deny nor avoid it but just cant.

So as i watched their life, travel here and there, enjoyed the finest things in life i left like 'bestnye hidup dia orang. Gaji best, dapat travel everywhere. Get to buy nice things'. 

How unfair life can be and how cruel it can be to others. Growing up I do have that luxury. Having both parents working so money is no issue there. Asked everything i want today, 2-3 days later it will be in my hands. Mom always pampers me with things, money. Thats her way on showing her love towards me as she felt guilty for always been away for work.It does fucked up my mind and my principles of life. At that time i thought " MONEY CAN BUY YOU EVERYTHING. EVEN YOUR OWN LIFE".

Watching some of my friends who were married to an Engineer, Pilot, Business man and such i do felt jealous of them. They Husband gave them all the buying power that they could ask for and they flaunt it! People say dont ever compared your life with someone else. I dont give too f***ed about it. It was pissed. Why cant i have all that.

Now having Daniel into the picture, makes me wonder to myself could i ever give all the things that he wants in the future later on?. Look at my Husband thinking will he able to provide to both of us knowing that he earn less than myself?. Berdosanya aku!

 'DONT COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS'.

I need to be Happy. I want to be Happy. Why?

Rezeki .

Allah S.W.T created each individual different in so many way. It has been writen by HIM since we all in your mothers tummy.

Allah Is Great.

I remember when i started working after study. How life was so hard that time. Getting low pay while i need to spend almost half of my pay on fuel and tolls. Another half for my study fees as i was studying part time. Life was hard that time.But now, im doing much better. Getting better pay, better job and better environment. Rezeki!

Other woman married to a man who is a wife beater, drunk, drug addict and such. But me, im married to a man who loves me, takes good care of me and my son, never took me for granted even he knew i earn alot more than him, and he is not a wife beater.Rezeki!

I managed to keep my life straight as possible as i can, have home to go to after long days at work.Rezeki!

Despite the fact that i cant travel around the world just like i planned before, despite the fact that i cant buy all the things that ive wanted like i always do, and despite the fact that i cant seem to drop everything and let loose like i always do back in the days, I am Happy!

I am happy for the life that i have,  the husband that i married, the privilege of being Daniels mother. 

" The hand who rocks the cradle is the same hands that rule the world " 

- William Ross Wallace